I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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