i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pooping to opera.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize