i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is the high leading the old right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
