i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
