Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
