Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
