I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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