once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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