Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
