when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
