When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
