do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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