I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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