I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize