he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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