Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
