I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
