You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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