Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
