I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
two words: eviction party
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
