Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
