yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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