I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
