I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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