also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forget how to act sober
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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