you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
