Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
