If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
