FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
