Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
