Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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