More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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