it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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