I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
