She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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