She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
