Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
