Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
