I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
