Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
