he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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