Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
