I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
