I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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