I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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