u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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