I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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