You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
