Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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