Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
