Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
