we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
