You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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