He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
