i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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