i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
