I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
