i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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