This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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