fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
