so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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