we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
