I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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