they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
