I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
