I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
