I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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