White coat. Heels.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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