sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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