I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
