8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
