You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
