just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
