Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
