Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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